Archive for May 2010
No More Cookie-Cutter Leaders
It is amazing how many books have been written on leadership. I bet I own most of them! I love to read about leadership, however, one of the things I have realized is that if I am not careful, I am trying to act out everything I am reading. I am grateful for inspiring books and role models to look up to, but the truth for all of us is that we have to know ourselves and create our own personal leadership style.
I once heard a quote that has stuck with me, “All of us are born originals, but most of us will die carbon copies”. I want to be a leader who is authentic to myself and those I lead. I love this definition of cookie-cutter from wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn, “having the same appearance, as if mass-produced”.
I don’t think any of us want to live up to that definition as a leader. I encourage you to review who you are as a leader. It is important to allow others to shape and influence you, but it is more important that you know how to apply that to who you are and who you are not.
An authentic leader is not a cookie-cutter leader, no matter how good the cook-cutter is. An authentic leader knows their personal values, where those values came from and how they apply them in their leadership. You are the only one who can determine this. No one can decide it for you. You are the only you and you are not a cookie-cutter! Each of us are one of a kind, no one else has your story.
What do you think about cookie-cutter leadership? How do you stay above the line to be authentic?
The Singer Has No Passion
By Michelle Braden
My husband and I are in NYC with friends for a bike trip. We all went to a restaurant last night where the servers sing and dance. We discovered this place at Christmas. It is amazing. We met up with a group of 5 other people and went in to be entertained.
About half way through our meal, one of the singers got up, like all the others, this singer had an amazing voice BUT something was not there. The friend next to me said, “Something is missing… he is not connecting with the audience.” I then realized the talent was there, but there was no connection or passion. He was singing, but his heart was someplace else.
It is amazing the difference in how you feel as a listener. Others, who sang, did not have the voice quality he did but, did have passion and connection. In the overall experience, they were the ones we wanted to hear again. They were the ones who made us feel important, like they were there for us.
The conversation turned to the aspect of what we are looking for as humans. I of course, with my affection and dedication to compare everything to leadership did just that. I reflected on how people want a leader who connects with them, they want a leader who they feel is devoted and passionate. Just like the singers, it was the ones we felt “linked” to through their stage relationship to us as an audience that won our affection. So it is with leaders, people are lot looking for you to be perfect. No one is perfect. They are looking for a leader who is real, passionate, dedicated and engaged.
How about you, what are you looking for in a leader?
Help, I’m A Control Freak!
By Michelle Braden
Dear Michelle,
My husband and even my dear friends refer to me as a control freak! I own and operate a catering business, and yes I’ll admit I have a tendency to micro-manage (one time I almost divorced my husband and now ex-chef just because I thought his cilantro pesto was too salty!) How do I break away from my compulsion to control everything while maintaining top notch food service and quality for my clients? – Control Freak in Harrisonburg, VA.
Dear Control Freak,
You have taken the first big step with any personal challenge and that is, “owning it”. In order to improve a behavioral pattern we have to first be aware of it, the second step is to make a plan of action. Most of our problems do not stem from what we do not know, they manifest from doing nothing. Below are some suggestions that should help:
1. Open your mind to other people’s opinions and ideas – your way is not the only way.
2. Wait, breathe, and think before you respond – this gives you a window of opportunity to mitigate a situation without regrets.
3. Practice self-observation and keep a journal – this helps you to “see” yourself from an outsider’s perspective so you can correct mistakes.
4. Set one goal at a time for yourself – changing a long-time behavioral pattern takes time, so be patient and try not to get overwhelmed.
5. Set up accountability partners – confide in 1 to 3 trusted people about your new goals and give them permission to hold you accountable to the behavior changes you have set for yourself.
Changing anything takes time, but staying focused, developing a plan, and surrounding yourself with accountability partners will keep you on track. Following these steps will relieve stress on yourself and your business colleagues, plus give you more fulfillment in your life. Now how do I get a hold of some of the cilantro pesto?
Addicted to Busy
This topic will either make total sense to you… or not. That is because if you are “bent” to have this addiction you will get it right away, and if not, as with any other addiction you just don’t get it. I am writing to those who “get it” and/or those who have to live and work with those who “get it”.
Addiction is being compulsively or physiologically dependent on something habit-forming. Busy is habit-forming. The first step with any addiction is to “own” it. I first realized I was “addicted to busy” about eight years ago. Someone said something very simple to me, “you know, you do not have to do all this, you bring it on yourself”. I found myself pondering that thought. It was not the first time I heard something like that, but it was the first time it hit home with me. I realized no matter what I do, whether it is volunteer work, doing something for my family, or job related, I had a tendency to do more than necessary. In some ways that is a good trait, but as with most strengths it can become a weakness.
I began to do some self-observation activities and discovered much of my self-worth was built upon what I accomplished, thinking busy somehow meant important and how this made me look in the eyes of others. I also realized when I didn’t want to deal with something; I would get REAL busy in another area i.e. something at home, in my marriage or another work issue. If I was busy, I should not have to deal with “it” right…? This is a poor way to measure self. As with any addiction, it is never satisfied.
I have found that it is helpful when I find myself in this place of “addicted to busy” to do the following:
- Reflect on why you need to be so busy
- Do some self-observation activities– this is where you observe what you are doing, make notes about it and later reflect on why/s to determine if it is an activity or behavior you want to continue
- What is being fulfilled inside of you by being busy?
- What is missing that you need to fill it up with “busy”?
- Set a goal that reflects valuing and feeling important without being busy – i.e. spend an hour having a conversation that has nothing to do with work or read a book for fun. I say set a goal because I suggest only setting 1 and mastering it – anymore and you are digressing back to being busy but this time with these goals
- Create accountability – tell someone you trust what you are doing, give them your goal and permission to hold you accountable
- Once you have “mastered” this one goal, go back through 1-6 and do it all over again
The beautiful thing about life is that we are always growing and learning… we never “arrive”. Aren’t you glad….?! It is a journey. Practice enjoying doing nothing – “Concentration is the ability to think about absolutely nothing when it is absolutely necessary.” — Ray Knight
I would love to hear from you. If you have found yourself “addicted to busy” or know someone who is write in and share other ways to overcome this addiction.
A colleague of mine shared something with me regarding being “addicted to busy”. This is a quote from her daughter – the most interesting part is that she is 12 years old “A day not laughed is a day wasted, no matter how much work you got done.” Hmmm, “from the mouth of babes….” ?
